The measure of all weakness and passions

The following excerpt is from The Gulag Archipelago. It's one of my favorite passages, and coincidentally was also highlighted by Ken, my wife Ashley's father. He gave me his own copy, the first book of the three in the series, when we were in France, and this is from a section near the end. I really enjoyed seeing all his highlights while reading. My grandmother recently had a serious medical emergency - life or death within millimeters kind of stuff - and I read this passage shortly after receiving news of her tribulations:

You listen to all this, and the goose pimples of rejection run up and down your spine: to you the true measure of things in the Universe is so clear! The measure of all weaknesses and all passions! And these sinners aren't fated to perceive it. The only one there who is alive, truly alive, is incorporeal you, and all these others are simply mistaken in thinking themselves alive.

An unbridgeable chasm divides you! You cannot cry out to them, nor weep over them, nor shake them by the shoulder: after all, you are a disembodied spirit, you are a ghost, and they are material bodies.

And how can you bring it home to them? By an inspiration? By a vision? A dream? Brothers! People! Why has life been given you? In the deep, deaf stillness of midnight, the doors of the death cells are being swung open — and great-souled people are being dragged out to be shot. On all the railroads of the country this very minute, right now, people who have just been fed salt herring are licking their dry lips with bitter tongues. They dream of the happiness of stretching out one's legs and of the relief one feels after going to the toilet. In Orotukan the earth thaws only in the summer and only to the depth of three feet — and only then can they bury the bones of those who died during the winter. And you have the right to arrange your own life under the blue sky and the hot sun, to get a drink of water, to stretch, to travel wherever you like without convoy. So what's this about unwiped feet? And what's this about a mother-in-law? What about the main thing in life, all its riddles? If you want, I'll spell it out for you right now. Do not pursue what is illusory — property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade, and is now confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life—don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is, after all, all the same: the bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing. It is enough if you don't freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don't claw your insides. If your back isn't broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes see, and if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why? Our envy of others devours us most of all. Rub your eyes and purify your heart—and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well. Do not hurt them or scold them, and never part from any of them in anger; after all, you simply do not know: it might be your last act..."

-Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn

Project: Direct 2009

So, here it is. Using my trusty Panasonic PV-GS150 camcorder (it's all I can afford but hey it's 3CCD at least), a homemade steadicam, a cadre of great and enthusiastic actors and background supporters helping me with a PVC boom mic and keeping an eye on things to make sure they weren't lifted, an honest-to-god police officer, and a bunch of late nights, I made a 5-minute short film for the YouTube and Sundance Project: Direct 2009 competition:

ALL NIGHT LONG

(NOTE: Haha. Just kidding. We really filmed this on million dollar equipment with an army of professional extras and a massive revolving credit account that was personally underwritten by Kirk "Rifle Right" Kerkorian❉. But I sure did a convincing job of that, 'gee shucks mister, i'm just a no name budget film maker lookin fer a break *blink, blink*' thing look good, didn't I? Didn't I? Ah?)

❉Because Kirk Kirkorian probably has really good lawyers, and making lawyer jokes is always funny and hilarious since lawyers totally serve no purpose and they don't do like, anything. Duh. Yeah, that was a joke. This film wasn't funded and hasn't been endorsed by big daddy Kirk in any way.

(And I think lawyers are great.)

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For those wondering about the censor beeps: I wanted to avoid a YouTube "mature 18-years and up" flag, or what would be the equivalent of an M broadcast rating, which I thought (perhaps wrongly, if so, oops) would have disqualified the film for this contest out of hand -- though there's nothing in the rules laying out the guidelines for vulgarity.

There's an obscenity clause in the rules, but because obscenity is one of those things that's endlessly litigated and never agreed on, I erred on the side of caution for the YouTube edition, as YT plans to put the selected finalists on the front page. I really couldn't see YT putting a video with a mature flag on the front page, even if internally it was a film they liked.

So, the inevitable question: Why film your characters with vulgarity if you're just going to beep it out later in post-production for said public contest? Why not just film it without?

I wanted characters who talk the way people my age and in that kind of scenario would actually talk. I wanted the natural pattern and rhythm of it. That meant filming two guys who are unapologetically punctuating everything with profanity.

At the end of the day, I figured it wouldn't be difficult to provide an uncensored version of the film for a screening, if it got that far, though I have no delusions as to my minuscule chances, because a screening scenario represents a much more limited audience.

/end neurotic explanation/